I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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