On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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