I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
