It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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