idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My penis needs a shock collar
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
