He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
