Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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