I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
