Just cropdusted the office
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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