Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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