Having a random hookup so left but love u
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
