my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
