OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
