just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
