I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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