Too much gin, very little bucket
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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