Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
