Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
