This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
