love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
