He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize