hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
