I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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