she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
