I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
