Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
