I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
