Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
