dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
