All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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