He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize