idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
