Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
