THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
