i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just googled if crying burns calories
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
