his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
