drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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