her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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