finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My liver just had a heart attack.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The power of my boobs compel you
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize