There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
