Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
