well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
they need to just BURY HIM!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
