I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
