So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
