Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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