shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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