She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
