No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
