Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My penis needs a shock collar
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
