can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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