i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
