I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
