remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
