____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
