apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
This toilet bowl is my home.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
