this boner is exhausting
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
