I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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