The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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