You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
