no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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