We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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