I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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