Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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