i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
