mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Enjoy the penises
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
