His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
