he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
