Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
