Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
