how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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